You Can't Give What You Don't Have

Remember the old TV show "Let's Make a Deal"? Monty Hall would say to a lady in the audience, "I'll give you fifty dollars if you have a hard boiled egg in your purse." Sure enough, the exuberant lady would pull out the egg and collect her cool fifty. She came prepared. She had watched the show often enough to know what kinds of things Monty was likely to request. We can only give what we have. Had the lady not brought along the egg, she could not have presented it at the appointed time. Ok, thanks, Captain Obvious. What has this got to do with anything? It's about relationships. Miserable people give away their misery. If you don't have joy, you can't give joy. If you only have misery, then that's the only item in your "bag." Do you wonder why some people leave you feeling drained every time you're near them? Misery drains your energy. It's hard to keep people propped up all the time. Maybe you'd be doing them a favor to let them prop themselves up once in a while. Joy comes from giving & serving others. When you get out of yourself and start living for others you build joy in your heart. Only when you have it then are you able to give it away. Forgive the ones who spread misery. They can only give what they have. Maybe you can share with them the secret to having the joy they need, instead of propping them up. 

Gratitude

There was a weird sun-rain today. That's when the sun is shining and yet it's raining. While waiting at a stoplight, I saw a most amazing double rainbow. If you look above the first rainbow, you'll see another one, which reflects the first.

As if the rainbow were not impressive enough, how incredible is the technology that allowed me to snap a photo of it on my cell phone, and send it wirelessly to my computer at home?

Suppose the only things you had tomorrow were the things you are grateful for today?

For what (and whom) are you giving thanks today?

Beautiful Distractions

I taught a Vacation Bible School class years ago that, simply by chance, turned out to be a class of boys. We used drama to memorize our verses. We used action to play out the Scripture. We charged from one station to the next like the good Christian Soldiers that we were.

The pencils maintained their pristine points, while the workbooks gathered dust on the table.

If I'd had ONE girl in that class, I could not have taught the same way. We'd have had to do the workbooks at some point. I was so grateful to be able to reach & teach the boys without workbooks.

Dr. William Campbell Douglass II, M.D. has a newsletter about common sense medicine. He talks about the distraction that pretty women pose to men in academic (or other) settings. Here's what he says:

Their drop-dead good looks make our minds turn to mush.

When I had a few moments free from the distractions of the pretty women in my life, I read about a study in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology that looked at how these women damage our thinking.

The study asked men to perform a simple memory test. Then, they repeated the test after talking to other men, and talking to beautiful women. What they found was unsurprising: The more attractive the woman, the worse they did on that test.

Women, on the other hand, performed about the same on their tests no matter who they spoke to, proving once again that whoever called them the weaker sex was probably weak in the head.

Single gender classrooms work.

A respected medical journal verifies what my experience teaching all-girls, all-boys, and mixed classes has long ago taught me. "Male and female He created them." They do not think alike. I'm thankful for the differences. And I'm thankful for this information because every time there's a single gender class to teach, my hand is going up fast.

How are you going to use your knowledge to help someone today?

School Fundraisers

Here they come again - the neighborhood children with fliers of products for them to sell around the neighborhood. You've seen them: cheesecakes, wrapping paper, soup mix, so on. The schools are in a pinch. I buy their stuff. I support my schools, and my neighborhood kids. But $10 wrapping paper is getting old. Gift bags (reusable) are more eco-friendly. And I've tasted that cheesecake. Sorry - um, no thanks.

Here's a cool idea I read about here: http://bit.ly/2Xt27f

This fundraiser has almost no overhead. You get a LaZBoy recliner donated (out of somebody's basement) for a day. You sell raffle tickets (this site said 25 cents, I'm thinking a dollar) and if your name is drawn, you get to sit in the recliner during each of your classes. The Student Council (or whatever group is doing the fundraiser) members put the chair in your first period class. After class, they come and move the chair to your second period class, and so on.

What kid would not love this?

Most middle and high schoolers I know have a dollar to spare, and every one of them would take this chance. The best part? Money is raised for a good cause, kids are spending their own money, not Mom's, and I don't have to eat nasty cheesecake that will go straight to my hips, nor wrap Christmas gifts with paper that will be out to the trash on Dec 26.

Wrapping paper - $10
Cheesecake - $14
The memories (and yearbook photos) of "LaZBoy Day?" Priceless.

How are you going to help your school raise funds today?

Achievement Tests

When I was in lower grades, we used to take what were called "achievement tests." They were computer graded tests (bring two sharpened number 2 pencils, fill in the bubble) that were designed to assess your achievement. What have you learned? How do you and your school rank nationally? The teachers stressed the importance of doing our best and following directions exactly, because these were important tests. And yes, they are. Achievement is good.

Reaching a goal rocks.

My boys played soccer. Each year after the awards banquet, they'd come home with some sort of trophy. Up it went on the shelf for Mom to dust. As I dusted the trophies, I felt bad that I didn't have much pride in them. They didn't represent anything more than attendance. You show up, you get a trophy. Big deal. A trophy should represent an achievement, otherwise it's just a piece of plastic gathering dust on your shelf.

A certain athlete is alleged to have used steroids to beat another athlete's record. I can't say if he did or did not use steroids, but if he did, then he knows in his heart that his trophy is worthless. Steroids are cheating. Or put the steroids-users against other steroids-users, and the non-users against the non-users. At least that levels the playing field.

How would you feel if your teenager bragged about beating a 6-year old in chess? Where's the competition? What has he achieved?

Which brings us back to the first point. I remember being quite proud of my scores on the achievement tests. My children derive a great deal of self-esteem when they master some academic material, or reach a goal.

No one has to "teach" them to feel good about it. Self esteem is derived from mastery.

I've never won a trophy. I don't want one, either, unless it represents an achievement. I don't need more plastic to dust.

Who are you going to encourage to achieve today?

Can You Hear Me Now?

A while back, I had some really good news. It had been a long time since this had last happened, so I was pretty pumped. I ran into a former friend of mine at the post office, and greeted her warmly and shared my good news - I was sure she'd want my life's update. Well, she was polite, but that's about it. She left abruptly.

I pondered this all the way home. Was she mad at me? Did I say something wrong? Yeah, I did. I should have asked how she was doing. In my excitement about my news, I forgot that maybe she had news, too. I recalled times when people told me all the great things going on in their life, and my envy prevented me from sharing their joy. Maybe my friend has recently gotten some bad news that she needed to share, but didn't feel comfortable popping my bubble.

Then I remembered other times when my feelings were hurt by well-meaning friends. Do the friends even know how much they hurt me? Probably not. And I didn't, at the time, realize that I was probably hurting my friend at the post office. Only later did I think that it was even possible.

Next time I run into a friend or used-to-be friend, I'm going to be purposeful about talking less and listening more.

The world does not need someone to talk; it needs someone to listen.

To whom are you going to really listen today?

Mother Guilt & Personal Responsibility

As a mother, I'm inclined to take the blame for everything that's wrong in my family's world. You're cold? Let me get you a sweater and fix hot cocoa. You're hungry? Here's some food. From the time they are infants, moms are programmed to respond to their needs. If Mom is smart, there comes a point where she must allow them the privilege of taking responsibility for fixing their own problems. It's tough to let go, though, because I can do things better and faster.

They might make a mess, but they'll also learn how to fix a sandwich.

There is a policy in my house: I only wash the clothing that is in the laundry room. That makes sense, of course, since that's where the washer is. However, it doesn't stop children from complaining that the item of clothing left under their bed is not clean and ready to wear when they want it.

I suppose it's easier (although childish) for them to complain than to discipline themselves to keep their clothing where it belongs.

Then there is the inevitable frustration of clothing that found its way in the laundry room too late for the last load. When I hear "I need this RIGHT NOW and it's not clean!" then I have to take a deep breath and realize that this could easily turn into a "I'm so sorry, what can I do to make you happy" guilt fest, or a shouting match. One of us has to be the grown up. So I say something like, "Let me get this straight: I failed to read your mind, and now you're angry?" This usually buys me time as they puzzle through what I just said. My point, though, often comes through: if you want something, tell me. If I can help you, I will. If I think you need to help yourself, I'll make that clear, too.

Don't allow yourself to be bullied by people who want you to do what they should be doing, by those who expect you to read their minds, or by those who want to absolve themselves of guilt by putting it on you. You have enough problems of your own - don't take on those of others.

Who are you going to teach to be self-sufficient today?

I Was Always on My Mind

The road to hell... as they say.

I heard Kevin Skinner on "America's Got Talent" (love him!!!) sing an old Willie Nelson tune. The lyrics are something like, "Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time. But you were always on my mind..." No I wasn't. YOU were always on your mind.

Love compels to action.

If you are thinking fondly of someone, yet fail to communicate that thought, you may as well never had it at all. How hard is it to pick up the phone & say, "Hey, I was thinking about you - how are you doin'?"

Do you know how much joy you can bring to someone for a mere 44 cents? Let me clue you in: many elderly people are probably not on SMS, email, Twitter, Facebook, or Linked In. They do, however, go to their physical mailbox each day. If you see a funny cartoon that reminds you of your 5th grade teacher, cut it out, drop it in an envelope (with or without a note) and send it on its way. Took you all of a minute and a 44 cent stamp, to bring untold joy to another.

What a bargain!

I know couples who have been married 50+ years. How does that happen? By being generous of time and action. You do for each other, you give your time, your attention, and all those acts of love daily: fix coffee, pick up socks, laugh as his or her jokes, send a text message saying "Thanks for being mine," bring home a single flower, help with the dishes... It's not a big deal; it's a thousand little ones. You don't stay married by being selfish. Two selfish people can barely stay married 6 months. For God so loved the world that he gave.

Love = giving.

You have to give to be happy. It's an essential ingredient in marriage, the secret for positive relationships and successful families.

Who is on your mind today?