Jul 30, 2010

Loyalty

Loyalty: a sense of obligation to stay together, to work together, to work it out.

I have heard a lot of complaints lately from employers, that they're not seeing the kind of employee loyalty they used to, back in the day. The ones doing the complaining are usually the 50-and-up crowd, who remember a time when companies took care of their people, and the people stayed with the company for their entire career.

When did that change? In my household, it changed 11 years ago.

My husband is a faithful man. He is faithful to me, and to his employer. He worked for a corporation for almost 22 years. He gave them 100%, every day, day after day. He did everything with excellence. He went above and beyond. He worked overtime. He answered calls while on "vacation." He was as loyal to them as anyone you've ever known.

Then, there were rumors of pending layoffs. His bosses told him he wouldn't be laid off. They needed him. He was going to be transferred to another city. He didn't look for or apply to internal job postings because he didn't know he was supposed to. He was told he was going to be transferred. He believed his bosses. I researched and corresponded with school districts in that city, mentally preparing to uproot my household and move to where I knew no one.

Then he was laid off. He got one day's notice. On his last day, they didn't even buy him a sandwich from the deli. And it was too late to apply internally. If he wanted to apply for any other company position, he'd have to knock on the front door like any other outsider. Even after having given them 22 years (more than half) of his life.

His loyalty counted for nothing.

And companies wonder why employees aren't loyal any more? Multiply this man times many thousands. Then tell me whether you have EARNED the loyalty you seek.

The street runs both ways.

You gotta give it to get it.

Who has been there for you and deserves your loyalty today?

Jul 28, 2010

Toxic Mothers

When I was growing up, I thought all mothers were like mine. I don't know why I thought this, other than that I had no reason to believe otherwise. My friends' mothers were pretty much like mine. They wanted to know where we were going, with whom, and they did not ask us what time we'd be home; they TOLD us what time to be home. They made us eat our vegetables and would not let us see R-rated movies. That's what moms are supposed to do, right?

When I was in my late 20s, I worked with girls who were nothing like me, and I found out that there were mothers who were not like mine.

One girl had to call the Men in White Coats to come and get her mother, because the woman was certifiable, a threat to herself and others. My coworker was lamenting that the company insurance would not let her add her mother as a dependent, because she was supporting her mother.

Another coworker got a bill for hundreds of dollars charged to "her" account at a local department store. This girl did not have a charge account at this store. It turns out her mother had used her information and opened the account, followed by a shopping spree. This girl now had to pay the bill, because in order to dispute the debt, she'd have to press charges against her mother and she couldn't do that. So she resigned herself to working more hours to pay off her mother's spree.

I wrote a letter to my mother, telling her how very much I appreciate all she did for me.

More recently, a friend shared horror stories about her mother. The woman, trying to frighten her daughter into getting "saved," would hide, leaving the frightened girl to believe that Mother had been raptured and my friend was left behind. How sick and pathetic is that?

Today in Dear Abby, I read about another toxic mother.

WOMAN WITH CANCER SHOULDN'T WASTE TIME ON HATEFUL MOM

DEAR ABBY: My 89-year-old mother has always been difficult. She not only never loved me, she treated me as if she didn't like me, either. She told me she didn't send me a birthday card on my birthday last month because "What was it supposed to say -- what a 'wonderful' person you are?" My children visibly winced when they heard her say it and worked extra-hard to make sure my day was special.Abby, I have cancer. My prognosis is questionable. I was supposed to have been dead seven years ago -- but I'm managing. My problem is, I recently was told that my mother has been keeping in touch with a single friend of mine from years ago, and they are making plans for her to marry my husband when I die! A few other so-called "friends" are in on this. This last betrayal is incredibly hurtful. Where do I go from here? -- J.C. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR J.C.: Where do you go from here? As far away from your toxic mother as possible -- and on to a long, and hopefully complete, remission!

I have to second Abby's motion. Sometimes the only cure for contact with toxic people is to avoid contact. Even if she's your mother.

What will you say about your mother today?

Jul 21, 2010

Fun Math Game

Today we played War. Yeah, the card game.

Preschooler played "normal" war. Each player flips a card. Whose is bigger?

Grade schooler played addition war. Flip two cards. Add them. Now add my two. Whose sum is bigger? (This also works for subtraction & multiplication.)

Middle schooler played "Integer War." Flip two cards up. Black are positive, red are negative. Add them. Now add my two. Whose sum is bigger?

Another variation for 5th or 6th grade would be to increasing the flip number to three or more, and work on order of operations (red are multiply, black are add), squaring, or using the smaller of two as an exponent for the larger.

If you want to throw some physical exercise into the mix, lie down, keep the cards in your hands & do a sit up before you can play your card(s).

Who says you can't have fun learning, especially in the summer, when you get to make up your own rules?

What fun rules will you make up today?

Jul 15, 2010

New = Better?

The tech crowd goes wild every time Steve Jobs burps. The NEW iPhone4 must be better because it's NEW. Ooops, sorry about that antenna thing...

Politicians love to run on the concept of NEW. Throw the incumbents out! Elect me instead! We need NEW ideas, NEW leadership! If it's been there a while, like last year's handbag, it's just not as good as this year's model, right?

Look at the incumbents themselves. They often brag about the NEW laws they passed, the NEW roads and bridges they built. Why? Because nobody gets excited about maintaining the infrastructure or enforcing existing laws. There's nothing "whee!" about quietly doing with excellence the job you are called to do.

People want "whee!" Politicians know this.

Some very good incumbents were voted out in this week's Baldwin County primary runoff election. Incumbents, quietly doing their job with excellence, raised the creditworthiness of our county in an economic climate where almost nobody could accomplish that feat. Even when the "old" was excellent, the financially illiterate people threw the baby out with the bathwater, because all they saw was the football coach's endorsement, and the word NEW. The accomplishments of the incumbents were not enough for "whee!" the people.

The law of reaping and sowing still applies. People get the government they deserve.

I'm still carrying last year's handbag. It's not "whee!" but it quietly, excellently does the job it was created to do. I'm ok with that.

What old, reliable things will you hang on to today?

Jul 12, 2010

Math is Everywhere

Math is Everywhere.

Do not depend on a calculator to do your thinking for you. If you have basic (8th grade or better) math in your head, you have a treasure that no one can take away from you, and you're much less likely to be cheated by those who want your money. Here's a hint: everyone wants your money.

Math is something you can use, every day. It's everywhere in your home, your car, your work, your play.

How do you halve or double a recipe without knowing math?

How do you figure the square yardage to buy carpet for your room without knowing math?

How do you calculate if the smaller or larger jar of peanut butter is a better deal without knowing math?

How do you balance (and not overdraw) your checkbook without knowing math?

How do you figure out how many miles per gallon your car gets without knowing math?

How do you figure out a baseball player's batting average without knowing math?

In what ways are you using your treasure today?

Jul 9, 2010

Manners

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use." - Emily Post There are children who somehow grow up, never having learned that they are not the center of the universe. This always astounds me, as I can't see any parent deliberately crippling their child's social growth. When parents cater to Beauregard's every whim, without teaching the niceties of "please" and "thank you," they are raising, perhaps without realizing it, a little tyrant. What child wants to play with a kid who always has to be first, have his way, get what he wants, when he wants? What child wants a playmate who never takes turns, shares what he has, or seems to appreciate anything given him? I blame the parents. Where does a child learn manners? At home, mostly. What about the other influences, like tv? When my older boys were growing up in the 90s, The Simpsons was a popular tv show. We didn't watch it, because the tv children were rude. What ever you grow up with, you think is normal. I didn't want my kids thinking Bart's behavior is normal or ok. If Bart Simpson were a guest in my home, I'd show him the door and tell him don't come back. Why on earth would I allow him "in" my home via airwaves? I don't want that example set for my children. That's my right & responsibility as a parent. If you are not modeling the behavior you wish to teach, you are teaching something else. I ask my son to vacuum the living room. I say please and thank you. Yes, I could as easily bark an order for him to do it. But if doing it the "nice" way works, why be angry? Will he respect me more if I'm angry all the time? He might act like it, but deep down, I don't think so. Ten or twenty years from now, he'll thank me for teaching him manners. And he'll chew and swallow before he does so. 

Jul 5, 2010

What Every 3rd/4th Grader Needs to Know

I tutor Math. Kids struggle in upper grades, often for no other reason than someone dropped the ball in the lower grades. Math is cumulative. It builds on what you learned the year before. Therefore, every child I meet hears me talk about times tables and how to learn them easily. Here's my speech: How many of you have a tv? Good - most of you. Ok, how many of you have a tv with a remote control? Ok. On your remote control is a button called mute M-U-T-E. At my house we call it the "shut up button." (Those commercials are loud!) Here's what I want you to do. Put your flashcards on the table, next to the remote. You're sitting there watching iCarly, and a commercial comes on. Pick up the remote, mute the sound, and flip through your flash cards during the commercial, about 2 or 3 minutes. Oh look, the show's back on. Set your cards down, turn the sound back up, watch iCarly. Next commercial, do it again. If you will go through your flash cards every time there is a commercial on, I promise that you will know them all within 2 weeks. (end of speech) I used flashcards to memorize various formulae for a test. I flipped through them when I was at a red light, at a basketball game (when my son was on the bench) or in line at the post office. We're not talking higher level thinking, just memorizing. Times tables flashcards are about $2 at Walmart in the book & magazine section, but I saw some in the $1 section of Target last week. I may go buy up every pack they have so I can hand them out.

Jul 3, 2010

Glitz vs Natural

There are two categories of children's beauty pageants: glitz and natural. The glitz pageants don't pretend to be normal, uh, I mean natural. Makeup, big hair, fake lashes, fake teeth, rhinestones, and all the rest really take "playing dress up" to an extreme. Natural pageants are more toned down. They only wear enough makeup to look good without looking made up. What? Yeah, the natural contestants wear makeup. Maybe skip the flipper, but don't kid yourself. I wouldn't compete with a just-washed face. They'd laugh me out the door with my "last place" ribbon. The only question then, is, how much can I get away with? Afterall, I don't take out the trash without wearing my eyeliner, so a "just-washed face" is downright indecent to me. My gray hairs don't bother me (I've earned every one of them!), but some things (like my eyes and lips) just need a little help. And I'm not too proud to admit it.